Saturday, 13 January 2007


I am annoyed with myself.
Whenever in the past I have focused closely on food, my mind has slipped into an almost obsessive-compulsive mode when I could think of little but. I had to give up being a chef because of this. But that was 10 years ago, and recently I really thought I had dealt with this.
But it would seem not. I didn't sleep last night for RDA's (or lack of) tick, tick, ticking away in my head. This morning when I ate breakfast and tried to enter the information on Fitday, the numbers were more than I had anticipated for what I saw in the bowl in front of me and it mattered a hell of a lot more than it should have done. (259 cals for oatmeal, 25g blueberries, and 250ml light soya milk). When I went shopping for groceries after that, I could hardly put things in my basket for thoughts of calories and nutrients and the balances and pay-offs thereof.
I will be eating with my neighbours tonight. They like to drink. *I* like to drink, dammit, and I haven't very much this year for me. And I want to be able to enjoy it without the little tap-tap-tap of calorific conscience on my shoulder. I need to switch it off. I need not to keep thinking about these people I don't know and will never know who seem to manage this so effortlessly and without guilt. It shouldn't matter this much. It's JUST FOOD.

(Lunch was raw spinach and kale, I didn't measure it, with one tsp flax oil and one tsp mixed seeds and two hardboiled egg whites. I *know* dinner will involve 2 pieces of thin-crust pizza, a globe artichoke, asparagus and strawberries. And champagne).

Can't find any sodding brewer's yeast.

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