Came home after my pottery class last night (2 hours of bashing terracotta clay with a rolling pin to make it halfway malleable to make my bad pots) shattered and hungry. Ate more quinoa mixed with warm rice milk but I still don't think I went over 1200 cals yesterday.

This morning's breakfast was the same as yesterday - 50g oatmeal with rice milk and 1 tsp of flax oil on top. That wasn't a good idea, actually, since I could see the fat just floating there and to be honest it made me feel really sick. I'll just shut my eyes and take the teaspoon neat in future. There's something that goes against all my instincts; oil on a spoon... :-( After that, I made the mistake of going back to bed (it was early, about 5am) to read - and promptly fell asleep and missed the gym. I am wondering whether if I managed not to eat such a carby breakfast I wouldn't slump so quickly - but oats are low GI, so that shouldn't have been a problem. I was probably just tired. I'll need to be be eating my soya yoghurt up tomorrow, so I can have fruit and yoghurt tomorrow, with some flaked almonds and maybe a dessert spoon of raw oats. There is no way I could stomach egg whites for breakfast, like several people on the blogs I've been lurking around seem to.

So far today I've also eaten 1/2 an apple, chopped with two dessertspoons of soya yoghurt and a few flaked almonds - mid-morning snack; I get hungry around 11.

I always eat an early lunch because of that and today's was what I think should be a really high protein salad of 100g black-eyed beans (121 cals, 8.8g protein), 3 spoons of quinoa, and the chopped whites of 2 hardboiled eggs, with a sliced raw carrot, and 100g steamed broccoli and 2 handfuls of kale. I'd estimate that to be about 250 cals, so I am reasonably high on calories today already and it's only 12.30.

I've also had 2 cups of coffee which I was supposed to be giving up for the New Year, but now I find it has thing I need in it, so yay. Guilt free, if caffeinated.

Tonight's dinner will probably be pretty much the same, since I need to eat up what's left in the fridge before London tomorrow. So maybe that won't be too bad.

(I am reading this and wondering who I am writing this for, and how mad I sound. Again. Bloody food.)

I'm getting quite fixated about how to get my protein and how to get enough. More than half my life as a vegetarian and this is the first time I've cared, really. Or truly believed that eating the protein won't make me fat. We shall see if this belief holds true or not. I'm feeling thinner but then I haven't been drinking anywhere near as much as I was drinking towards the end of last year, and that alone has to be worth at least, what, 500 cals a day? Must use that thought as motivation; my liver will only thank me.

Having said that, it's wine tasting tomorrow...

Later. I made a bean casserole for dinner with the beans leftover from lunch, probably slightly more than 100g, with 2 tomatoes and one chopped onion, one chopped carrot and one chopped stick of celery. Simmered in water; no oil. Steamed broccoli, about 75g, on the side with 1/2 tsp flax oil and black pepper. Dessert was a rice cake with home failed jam on top, and a mug of rice milk. No nutrition worth a damn there; probably about 35-40 cals with the jam.

I wonder how many calories for the day that is. I wonder if using software would alleviate this new obsession or push me further in.