Saturday, 17 March 2007

Weak as a kitten

Well, it was going to happen. I suspect that after three months of eating more or less 1100 calories a day (not counting alcohol calories) that my body might be saying, enough already, and it's protesting. The last few days I've noticed that I seem to be logging far more calories into CoM earlier in the day, and not feeling satisfied with what I've eaten until I'm at around 1100 (which tends to be late at night, and then I stop and just drink herbal teas). But right now I am hungry, and I've been hungry all day.

I think I need to give in, at least for tonight. Maybe tomorrow as well, and then we shall see. I really don't want to up my calories. My weight loss has been nice and steady and I really, really want to hit a certain point before the wedding, but I would like my body to co-operate, please.

I do know CR is not about the weight loss, but I have been so long out of tune with what my body really needs and requires that it takes a lot not to focus on the visible, on the tangible. Of course, right now my body is telling me it's not happy. I guess I need to listen, and work out exactly what it is it wants.

I think I am very tired. It's been a lot of running around, and I play too hard. But I really don't want to be this tired. I want to be full of CRON bounce and positivity and verve and... but I am not. I am... knackered. Working in the garden, digging the allotment patch and weeding and building a bonfire should not take so much out of me.

I am cooking dinner for my neighbours tonight, in an hour or so. I've got all my vitamins and minerals down already, a bit low on B12, and iron. So I need to let myself eat and enjoy it! We've got a yoghurty lebanese dip and bread (and I shall dip with chicory), and gnocchi (I'm going to roast some cherry tomatoes with garlic for a sauce) and tenderstem broccoli. And a huge pineapple.

And then lots and lots of sleep.

5 comments:

April said...

Sara,

You're quite right to eat a bit more. Alcohol calories seem to burn up much faster than food calories, so even if your total is 1400 including alcohol, that's a lot less usable calories than Robin's all-food calorie count. I find I fall over if I eat less than 1100 in food.

You definitely have been working hard and playing hard too. I wish you lived here... I suspect we would find ourselves to be very kindred spirits. I thought of you yesterday while at a really fabulous Philly restaurant. Sara would like this place, thought I! And the wine my wine wonk friend!

a

Sara said...

Hi April,

Post all about the fab Philly restaurant - not Blackfish again? You'll have eaten all the veggies they have to puree! :-)

Tonight's meal ended up without the gnocchi (which I am relieved about, I hate gnocchi) but I feel so much better right now for having relaxed (which might be part of the exhaustion; I am on edge all the time at the moment). I will think about upping my calorie level, but it's hard to break that mental barrier. It feels undisciplined to do so. So why not so with wine? I don't know. Head in the sand mentality.

And this floppiness has only hit this week. And I think I have been sickening for something; right now I am feeling a lot brighter, but defnitely ready for a very long night's sleep!

I often wonder how much the US has changed since I lived there, and whether I would love living there as much now. I've still never been to Philadelphia though....

Emily said...

Do you know what your set point weight is? If your goal weight is below your set point, your body is going to fight really hard.

I'm glad you're feeling a bit better today, though.

And thanks for the comment on my blog. (I wish the excess healthy food was just, um, excreted. But calories from healthy foods still get stored as fat.) In any case, I very much appreciate the support. And it's really a pity that I didn't get to meet you while I was still living in London!

Caroline's CRONicles said...

Sara, I'm a brand-newbie to this thing, but I'm really impressed with how far you've come along this blog. I think you're being really sensible and smart about this, though I totally understand how hard it is to feel like you're "falling short." But you're not, and deep down you know that! All the best.

Jacqueline said...

do what feels good, if you need to eat a little more than eat a little more. Your dinner sounds divine. I love gnocchi!