My blog makes it more than apparent that I have an overwhelming tendency towards negativity... I am quite often down on myself, and on my achivements - quite frequently without even realising that this is what I am doing. To be negative is as much a sin towards oneself as hubris, and Miss M's little pep talk on yesterday's post has got me all fired up today to be more positive, or at least have a damn good try. In the end, it's all too easy to tie oneself down and that is as detrimental to one's health as a poor diet. So, I need to make a real effort to stop judging myself so harshly and, more importantly, stop comparing myself to everyone around me!
Things I can genuinely be proud of (excuse me for a moment):
I am intelligent and creative. I have two degrees, one with distinction, and I got two years into a PhD before being pole-axed by foodie problems and then distracted by an ill-advised and ill-starred relationship in another country. There is no reason why I could not have worked through the former and gotten my doctorate, but because I did not, I am not a failure. It just wasn't the right time and, if I am honest with myself, it wasn't the right subject. There was a damn good reason why no one has published papers on the area I had chosen to base my thesis around and it is because there really is nothing there (even though there should be). ("Images and perceptions of kingship in Caroline Drama", in case anyone is wondering. I am much better on the Elizabethans and Jacobeans.)
I have leapt without looking and survived.
I have managed to acquire and keep a techy job without any formal training. Ok, so I hate it, and sometimes I drive myself almost mad with the frustration of it being so alien to my mindset, but I can do it; I meet deadlines, I have satisfied clients who believe I do a good job. It is an achievement.
I have an incredibly healthy lifestyle (for the most part!) which I enjoy maintaining. Yes, I probably drink more than I should but I continue to make real efforts to cut this down; yes, I eat out more often than I should for optimal nutritional health but when part of the week one is in transit and living out of a rucksack, this really is unavoidable - still, I make real efforts to make this balance and work with my CRON. (Yes, I read April's recent post and immediately thought I am a failure for not making the decision to avoid eating out for the sake of my CR - that's my negativity directing itself towards myself again; nothing whatsoever to do with April's post which is, of course, perfectly valid in its content and I am in no way criticizing).
I have a large and varied set of wonderful friends, friendships that I have worked hard at creating and keeping. I hope I am good at being a friend. I certainly try to be. I am including this little CRON community in that, because it counts.
I am a damn good cook with enough imagination and creativity to envision this being a viable part of my future.
I made the decision to live apart from my lover in a beautiful place where I knew no one, and I have made a life here. See friends above! And we survived. And we are going to have a fantastic wedding party which will be all our own work.
Obviously there are things in my life that I am not proud of, and things I am not entirely happy with - but the existence of these things do not make me a failure in any respect. I need to remember this and stop tying myself down.
The sun today is wonderful. It is even starting to feel like spring. :-)
So, tell me at least one thing about yourselves that you are proud about at the moment.