Tender Hearted Vegetarian

I've been veggie for coming up close on twenty years now. Yes, it's a frightening number, because those twenty years have gone in no time at all. The last ten, particularly, have flown by. It's like time creeps if not stands still while you go through school, and college, and uni (and - in my case - a disasterous relationship in another country) and then as soon as life in the world of earning a living kicks back in, it's *boom, whoosh* - and those years are flying by. To put it in some kind of warped perspective, I've now been in my current place of employment for over 9 years. That's more than my years at senior school and university (grad and post-grad) put together. I'm heading for my mid-thirties at an incredible rate of knots and in my head, for various reasons, I haven't even celebrated 30 properly yet. It's scary stuff.

The ups and downs of this weekend have also revealed two new wrinkles under my eyes in the mirror. Not good!

Anyway, moving back to the original topic - having become a (rather strict) vegetarian at 15 means that I have never actually tasted loads of stuff. Scallops, say. No. Prawns - only in prawn balls from Dad's Chinese takeout, and those were spat out immediately. Any kind of fish other than battered and from the fish and chip shop in newspaper with salt on a Friday night (it's an English thing) or in "fingers", no. Lobster, no. Other shellfish, no. Steak, no. Venison, no. Duck, no. Goose, no. You get the idea.

But do I *want* to taste it? I think the answer has to be, in all honesty, no. I would like to share a meal with P in the true sense of sharing and eating the same food and savouring the same tastes and knowing that the enjoyment was equal. To be able to discuss our food as we can discuss our wines. To enjoy the same subtleties and nuances of taste that can be experienced when pairing a Pinot with rare lamb, perhaps, or a Sauternes with foie-gras (ok, a bad CR example). But that's not going to happen because with all the application of all the logic in all the world, I would feel that eating shellfish, fish, or meat was wrong. Wrong for me, I hasten to add.

I am harking on about this because I do find it difficult to get my protein levels up while keeping my calories down and not going for tofu every day (I must find that article about soy and dementia) or quorn (I swear it wouldn't surprise me if one day someone finds out the damn stuff is sentient), and I feel like griping about it. I'm particularly tired (and this is not new) of eating out as a CR'd vegetarian being so difficult to do. But I guess that's a problem there are no easy answers to. Either I assert my superiority on the food chain and qwell guilt, and eat the scallops... or not, and my days are filled with eggwhites (from eggs laid by free-range chickens fed on a non-GM organic diet, naturally), and grumblings about not being able to eat out and be CRON.

I'll probably do the usual and post today's CoM report later, after my pottery class, but I have to admit I am feeling reasonably blah about food today after the weekend. I might aim for as much nutrition as I can get in as few calories - and usually I have to push to get my calories over 1000 - 1100; that's just the way it is, no drama. I'm reasonably tempted just to eat a bowl of cereal to be honest. Sometimes one just gets tired of trying, and of food.