Sunday, 20 January 2008

Hello World

Not much of CR interest going on in the life of Sara right now, but Arturo has reminded me it's too easy just to vanish back into the ether unless I keep posting here (I'm always reading the blogs, lurking away). I'm still plugging away at trying to lose the New Year pounds; I guess I need to remember that my body hangs onto weight, and while other people seem fine to drop 2 or so in a week, it will take mine at least a month of being fairly (or more) rigorous with watching what I eat. So much easier said than done when I socialise so much. Still, I'm eating well, and these last few days I've been experimenting with a version of Hilary's breakfast suggestion (300g Total 0%, 10g LLBY, 10g pumpkin seeds, 5g flaxseed, 5g gojis); at around 300 cals, it's certainly filling, and the sheer OMGIAMAGLUTTON feeling I get from eating 2 pots of yoghurt in a row first thing in the morning is enough to send me to the gym afterwards so... I guess that's a good thing! :-) Seriously though, it packs over 30g protein and yes, finally, I think this is making things feel a lot less edgy. So good.

Outside of CR considerations, I've eaten in a couple of really fabulous places in London over the last couple of weeks. We went to the new champagne bar in St Pancras station; freezing cold, but right next to all the Eurostar trains rumbling off for more glamorous, if not warmer, climes. Followed by a visit to Acorn House, where I ate the veggie accompaniments (scraping amaretti crumbs off the butternut squash - why, why??), and argued with P (who had ordered the veggie dish) about why veggie dishes in restaurants need always be so boring and pastry/pasta/rice based... Except when they are eaten in 32 Great Queen Street, however, where last Tuesday I had a fabulous salad with fine shavings of raw Jerusalem artichoke and pomegranate seeds and chicory and raddiccio and walnuts, followed by a comforting, earthy broth of wild and field mushrooms with barley. Mmm, mmm, mmmm. Maybe there's a reason it takes more than a week... :-)

The other thing of note that has happened this week is that I applied for a job a couple of weeks ago; sent off my old CV, slightly tweaked, and a cover letter and then basically forgot about it. On Thursday I got a technical telephone interview out of the blue, and then another with the head of personnel. My confidence is so shot right now that both calls left me in floods of hysterical tears, torn between fear that I had messed it up entirely and fear that I haven't and will therefore have to have a proper interview where (my shot confidence says) I am certain to embarrass myself and have my total uselessness at IT held up for all, including me, to scrutinize. I hadn't realised I had got this low and down on myself and that's a shock. I seriously need to work on rebuilding my self-esteem. But I am not sure that moving into another IT job, which is likely to be more stressful if ultimately more rewarding, is that right thing to do. When my back is to the wall I will get the job done - but I need to work out if putting my back to the wall is really what I want to be doing every day.

On a brighter note, I was talking to A Young Person (30) in the pub the other night who, when questioned, genuinely believed me to be aged around 27/28. Cool. I might feel old and knackered then, but perhaps I don't look it (even through beer googles). :-)

Right, it's 6.30am and I must take my yoghurt-filled self off to the gym for the daily stagger on the treadmill.

Love to all!

3 comments: said...

I really understand what you're experiencing with the IT/interview situation, and I'm sorry that you're going through that.
When I was still doing IT/software-development/engineering stuff, every time I applied for a new job, I always felt "okay, NOW people are going to find out I'm a fraud" but I always got hired because I was good at it (which was always a boost to the ego). Like you, with my back against the wall, I'd get the job done... but was living like that day-to-day how I wanted to live? I got to the point where I'd rather rip my arm off and hit myself with the wet end rather than go to work.
Okay, maybe our situations aren't the same in that respect :) , but I truly do sympathize and hope that all gets better.
My solution was to find something else to do, which was tough because I had my self-esteem and ego all tied up in being a "computer engineer"... once I accepted that I could separate myself from that, my life got infinitely easier. :)
But that was my situation and solution.
I hope you find yours. :)

Be Well,

HkGrace said...

You definitely look in your 20s, no question. Glad the upped-yogurt-minus-fruit is (sort of) working out for you. You must add the cinnamon, though! It's good for blood sugar levels, after all.

Arturo said...

Hi Sara
Nice to hear your news. The foods at the restaurant (salad and mushroom soup) sound delicious. I've been consuming kefir for dairy and I'm getting to like it. I seem to have lost the holiday weight gain - hopefully that will continue on that track. Nenette is so kind in her comments. I would second her feelings that you find something suitable and to your liking.