Sunday, 16 September 2007

Abergavenny Food Festival

P and I spent yesterday at "The Glastonbury of Food Festivals" - Abergavenny, in South Wales - with a couple of friends. I took this picture in April, from the castle walls, when my mother and I spent a girlie night in a hotel there for a treat, and ever since I've wanted to take P there, not specifically for food and drink but to show him the beauty of the hills and landscape. I love high country. I love moors and bracken and wind-swept moutainsides. I miss Colorado so much, I feel it like an ache in my soul, and this area of Wales feels to me like a balm, and I should go there more often.

So the occasion of the Abergavenny Food Festival was not to be missed. It only takes an hour or so to get there from here, up through Bath, a blessedly brief trip along the hideous M4, and across the Severn Bridge with its fantastic views over the Avon estuary. It was the clearest day imaginable, a perfect blue, cloudless. And then Wales, with its forests and valleys, deep and green and mysterious. Abergavenny is a sweet town, and yesterday it became one large farmers' market, with stalls selling local produce, to be taken away or eaten on the spot, all over the place. We wandered from stand to stand - a half of cider for P here, a half of perry for him there, a nibble of goat's cheese for me here, a spoonful of something delicious for him there. Yes, I ate vicariously through P and he ate well - a plateful of steaming paella, cooked in the largest pan I have ever seen in my life (fully a metre across); fresh sardines with salad. I ate a mixed salad with garbanzos and beans and as many green veggies as I could get piled in (admittedly not many) and as we were eating (cross-legged on the pavement), we were asked by an official festival photographer if he could take our pictures - I guess we really looked as though we were enjoying ourselves!

We bought lots of deliciousness between the pair of us and our friends, and ate much of it en famille when we got home. Probably not a(nother) CR day.

Today I was restless. Restless, restless, restless with the kind of ache in my legs that is usually only relieved by running. Rye bread and tayberry jam for breakfast probably didn't help. :-) After a pub lunch, we walked by the Caen Locks for an hour or so. Stunning engineering; P tried to explain the mechanics of it to me but my head just whirled with it - driving a boat up water? Just goes to prove, what seems impossible can often be achieved.

I just hope this proves possible with my CR. I am still trying to work out where my self-discipline has gone and why. I really don't want to be constantly at odds with myself. It's really starting to annoy me, this lack of balance, this nagging irritation, this (for want of a better word) hunger which seems not to be hunger at all, but an all too familiar physical expression of some kind of dissatisfaction... I don't know, maybe I am looking in the wrong place, and CR is neither the reason for nor the answer to how I am feeling right now.

But! It's been a good weekend. And tomorrow is the start of another new week. And I still have three more days at home to CRON. And a fridge full of leaves and veggies. And dino kale! The Abergavenny spoils have been sent back to London in P's rucksack.


April said...

What is tayberry jam?

Looks like a beautiful place.

We all go through rough phases... I know it doesn't help to say don't worry, it will pass, but it will pass. I went through a horrible five months with being far off program with my CR, and now I'm back and it feels great. Your wedding was a major event in life... things will settle.

Good luck!


Sara said...

Tayberries are a cross between blackberries and raspberries, I think. A natural varietal, not a GM one. Jam is just the UK word for jelly, as I am sure you know. So yes, fruit and sugar preserve on bread.

I don't know; I hope it comes back, I really do. I hate feeling like this all the time. And the wedding really is no excuse. It was two months ago. It's just so frustrating.

Thank you for commenting in all your genuine business! :-)

April said...

Wow, we don't have tayberries here! They sound really yummy!

We have a saying in organizing that the first month after the election, you're totally f&C*ed up, the second month after you're only mostly f&c*ed up, and by the third you can start to be a part of your normal self again. You're just now on the third month!

Now to drag myself to the gym... I'm going to see if we have any tayberries in this country!


magallanica said...

Dear Sara, maybe the hunger/dissatisfaction/disquiet is only a momentary loss of individual identity in the adaptation to your after-marriage-life.
Until we find our place, until the mind furniture settles down, until we get used to new rituals, brain (ego, mind, child within) feels unsafe, angry, out of place and attempts to get comfort, security, attention and a sense of meaning from food and other distractions.
Anxiety is misdirected energy.
Potential on hold waiting to be focused on a goal, waiting to be used.
Maybe the food-drive can be turned into a creative or entrepeneurial challenge. Something meaningful and exciting. A simple, yet daring and bold next action.

With much love,


Christina said...

Sounds like a wonderful time! I'd LOVE to see Wales someday.
That's a great comment from Paz - it's such a positive way to look at anxious feelings - as extra energy to turn toward something constructive.

Sara said...

Thank you for that comment, Paz. It is spot on; I just wish I knew what my next move could be. Or rather, how to make it.

magallanica said...

Dear Sara,

Try to ask that question "What will my next step be?" o "What's next for me?" and catch your mind on paper.

Focus on your breath for a while. Close your eyes. Trust that you will be shown whatever that step must be Resources will appear as you allow it unfold.
Trust your sensations, the loss of focus regarding Cron is just a symptom of the loss of an intuitive regulation, or the loss of self confidence. Rules and breaking the rules. Pushing and resisting.
Waiting for the next step feels like waiting for next meal when you are on the diet number a thousand, When you don't trust yourself about real hunger, self control, deep listening, life starts to be greedy and uncertain, as if you don't deserve whatever life brings, as if scarcity wil always haunt you, as if you were about to have the last meal.

This hunger (disquiet, dissatisfaction, vague need) is a messenger. If you kill it, no gift is left.

Cron/Life can only be approached with an abundant, joyful, open and trustful mentality.
Cron should be a gift to yourself not an imposition. An act of kindness, not a punishment.
So should be your undiscovered next passion.

Leap. Ask. Trust the answer will come and listen. Open your eyes. I reap answers in the following 72 hours after making the question. No exceptions. They just appear.

This I'm telling you is what I've learned in 30 years of struggle: deadly eating disorders, sexual abuse at 5, rape at 17, immune and autoimmune disorders.

Byron Katie ( gave me a perfect summary when she wrote: "Reality is 100% kinder than my thinking about it". When we stop opposing reality, action becomes simple, fluid, kind, and fearless.

Just ask. Just ask trusting that the perfect loving answer is on your way.

It's never about food or life path but a deep longing to follow the call of inner truth.
Take care, dear.
You are doing your perfect best.
No doubt.