Tuesday, 4 December 2007

Still here

I've been feeling quite crappy recently, with rampaging hypochondria I thought best remained unleashed upon the blogosphere. In an attempt to shut it up I'm going to have some more blood tests done on Thursday (with luck, for lo! I am still yellow-handed and it is freaking me out) when I visit a GP in London. I'm hoping that since it won't be my regular doctor they won't have any preconceptions about my state of sanity (or lack of it!). I just want the reassurance of a second set of tests to say nothing is physically wrong with me. Then I can just assume I am mad and work on sorting that out. :-)

Still eating well, as ever, although probably not enough. Which could, of course, explain my recent lethargy that has me heading for the duvet whenever I get the chance. Yesterday I did record everything I ate over the day and when I came to put it into CoM it came to just over 800 calories, albeit with 90/85% RDA's, which really is low and I wasn't trying to keep it low. Today I am making more of an effort to bump things up - I have had oatmeal, and I have chestnuts, and goat's cheese. Yum.

I want to start feeling a lot better soon. I've got some Xmas decorations up, and made a garland for my front door yesterday evening. But I don't feel very festive yet. A friend showed me an Advent Calendar she had treated herself to the other day and it reminded me of how, as a child, every day in December was filled with wonder and excitement and anticipation, and that pulling aside that cardboard door to see the picture hidden beneath was the highlight of the day. My brother and I always bickered about who would get the privilege of opening that final door on the 24th, which was always bigger and more elaborate than the others. I would love to feel that excitement again, that simple joy. It's this time of year more than any other when I wish I had children, because that's how we live again, isn't it?

Right, enough with the morbidity! Some Christmas Carols are in order, I think!


artifex said...

Having children isn't the only way to 'live again' .. you can do as I do with cats, and borrow other people's, occasionally .. sounds to me as though you need both information from a competent medical practictioner, and a program of long country walks. Maybe a few days away somewhere warmer and sunnier ?


Sara said...

I certainly need a holiday! And sunshine would be welcome. I've been thinking about a retreat somewhere...

And maybe it's time to think about another kitten.

Thank you for commenting! :-)

April said...

Time for kitten! Kitten! Kitten!


skinnybitch said...

Hi Sara,

Thanks so much for your supportive comments on my blog. I'm feeling a bit better now.

I think you aren't alone in wishing you could recapture the excitement you felt as a child about Christmas. The older I get, the more baggage I have at this time of year - it's hard not to dwell on those who were here last year but are gone this year - and all that can be quite depressing. Feeling that way when everyone else is festive can feel isolating, too, and that certainly doesn't help.

Kids can absolutely serve as a distraction from all that, and I do think they make the season sort of magical. Their excitement can be infectious, driving dark thoughts away. But I also think reaching out to good friends and spending time with those who love you - regardless of their age - can make you feel alive again.

Oh, and I second (third? fourth?) the suggestion that you take a vacation and get a new kitten.

I hope the Christmas carols help.

Take care,